The Obnoxious Couple

To be read in a nasally middle-aged Received Pronunciation British accent:

 

'"The Excitable Boy?"  Are you sure that's a good idea for a title?  You do know that Warren Zevon song's about murder, right?' MB asked.  Eric chose that title anyway.  That inherent playful conflict were the hallmarks of an obnoxious couple or, from here on, duo incultus.

 

On Saturday the subjects in question walked from Hollywood and La Brea down the Walk of Fame.  Along the way they passed Grauman's Chinese Theatre and entered the loud, garish mall at Hollywood and Highland.  It was beautiful in a way, MB noted the heavy use of Babylonian motifs in the architecture.  Often duo incultus will comment on subjects for which they have affinity with great confidence.

 

Among the major contributors to the general advancement of mise-en-scene were the Tai Chi demonstrations, the abundance of open air, and an exhibit of illustrations by John Lennon.  Eric once had a screen saver composed of animated versions of Lennon's drawings but the sound effects couldn't be turned off, and were too loud, so it fell out of use.

 

Further along, Eric pointed out the Improv Olympic West while MB pointed out silent film stars on the walk, including both the film and telly stars occupied by one Buster Keaton.

 

But throughout, the goal of their expedition was clear: 'The Tomorrow Show' at the Steve Allen Theatre.  Eric expected that perhaps MB, a fan of the American animated comedy 'Home Movies,' would go crackers for a stand-up/variety revue to be co-hosted by its star Brendan Small.

 

And perhaps she wasn't the type to go completely bonkers, she did quite enjoy herself.  It was Eric, the tired half of duo incultus, inculted by falling asleep.  As it was well past the time certain buses were in operation, they rung for a taxi and waited in one of those wondrous day-round Rite-Aid chemist's.

 

The next day it was off for a spot of bowling.  Though Eric got mad that the computer cheated, he still managed an even 100.

 

That evening, they went back to IO West and managed to catch the improv jam and the stand-up open mic.  In this, duo incultus became not the observed, but the observers, basking in the madness that was a witless Irishwoman being shoehorned into scenes by a more talented lot.

 

Eric wondered if the familiar freak would invade the sensibilities of the stand-up open mic.  Yes she quite did!  Normally, when Eric wrote in his blog about people who didn't come off well he'd keep the name secret.  However, I am under no such restriction!  The first comic selected was--well I don't quite recall his name.  It appears he put several names in the hat increasing his chances of getting picked.  He was a comic Eric was already familiar with, the one whose entire act consisted of saying "Ask me a question," and being surprised when the audience made fun of, and heckled, him.  The gaggle of stand-up comics, or comedicae erectus, proceeded to ban this comic from the show for his deceptive practices.

 

After the show, Eric introduced MB to some comedicae erectus and met some familiar faces from Emerson, the school from which this particular member of duo incultus migrated.  There was one female comedy fan who'd seen Eric before and 'introduced' him to MB, oblivious of their familiarity with one another, 'Eric's a very funny comic.'

 

'Oh, yes--I've seen him before,' MB countered with a smile that was careful not to correct the errant.

 

The next day was spent in a more urban environment than Los Angeles was known for: downtown LA.  The Neon Museum was closed on Mondays, but there was a park nearby with slides, Tic-Tac-Toe, and a ship's wheel.  There were myriad architectural examples throughout the portion of the city.  As was typical of the city, Art Deco was most represented.

 

They pursued perusement and amusement at the Los Angeles Central Library, a museum of a building, the whole of which was four floors above and four floors below ground (quite a lot of literature!), noting things like an exhibit on orange labels from history!  Later they perused the Museum of Contemporary Art, which consisted mostly of a temporary fashion and architecture exhibit including a film by Wim Wenders on the designer.  MB and Eric commented on how design from science fiction often copied styles from the past that would be alien to the consciousness of the contemporary Western World.

 

Yoshinoya has soda that's quite large, even by American standards, larger, even, than most American convenience stores.  However storing leftover soup from the chain of restaurants in ones bag is not a bright idea.  It would empty itself upon the other contents straight away.

 

Tuesday was spent perusing the Golden Triangle (the titular colour is a misnomer as the bright sunny weather highlighted the white buildings and silver chandeliers hanging from the posts) in Beverly Hills and then UCLA's campus and Westwood.

 

Eric showed MB the cinemas, each devoted only to one film.  Eventually, they settled on Mann's National, a theatre styled in the late 1960s, showing a film called 'Tenacious D in "The Pick of Destiny"' a film about a rock group that worship the likes of Black Sabbath and The Who in pursuit of rock godliness (your beloved narrator prefers Mahler to the loud histrionic nature of Mr. Peter Townshend's guitar windmills and powerslides but such are the tastes of duo incultus).

 

After a bit of stir-fry at Mongol King, they went to Westwood Brewing Co. so that Eric could occupy two species from the same phylum simultaneously: duo incultus and comedicus erectus.

 

For some time MB had been asking Eric to tell her the jokes he injected into the speech he delivered while an employee at the Museum of Science in Boston (in Massachusetts, not England, the 'original Boston.').  He swore he'd told her before, and thought nothing of suggesting 'maybe later.'  He'd delivered the speech in the context of stand-up before, but decided to ensure that it'd be funny here.  He decided to place the speech in the context of his reason for leaving the MOS, and Boston itself, '--I had to leave...'  It worked terribly well.  In fact, it worked disgustingly well.  The degree to which it worked well was just gross.

 

And Wednesday was when the duo incultus showed its true colours.  MB thought of home and felt a bit sad.  Eric tried to cheer her up.  Today was the one constant in their plans for the week.  They were going to the Getty Center.  They waited for the bus for over an hour before deciding that it wouldn't come and they'd take an alternate route.  On the way, they made Personal Data Assistants (I'm terribly sorry, not that definition for the abbreviation 'PDA.').

 

They were headed for a lecture and book signing for Mellon: An American Life by my countryman David Cannadine.  In it he has constructed a delightfully rich and expansive tome of Andrew W. Mellon, businessman, Minister--I mean Secretary--of the Treasury, art collector, and philanthropist.  Duo incultus were possibly the youngest in attendence and they got their copy of the book signed.  They managed to see the rest of the museum, see incredible smog-filled views of Los Angeles, and do all but an architecture tour for MB, the architecture student, but she had a book by Phaidon to peruse later.

 

After a bus ride home down the Sunset Strip, they planned for the next day.  That night, they went to Borders at Sunset and Vine where Eric stole a shipping sticker for the official companion to season one of Ronald D. Moore's 'Battlestar Galactica,' they had doughnuts at Winchell's, and went to the Fake Gallery where Patton Oswalt was not testing out material, and therefore the show was free, it was still quite good and hosted, via television, by Eddie Pepitone.

 

On Friday, they decided to go to Griffith Park by way of an unusual form of public transport for LA...subway--and foot.

 

Climbing what the New Englanders would call a mountain, MB and Eric saw incredible smog-filled views of Los Angeles, the Griffith Observatory, and the tunnel used in the climax of 'Back to the Future, Part II'

 

They eventually walked to the Greek Theatre where they planned to have a bit of sandwiches and water when they saw a bus for the Griffith Observatory.  They asked the bus driver how one would get to ride the bus.  'Pick up a free reservation online, print it out, and bring it here.'

 

'Obviously, if I could go through the trouble of doing all that, I might as well walk,' Eric said, perhaps more obnoxiously than was warranted.  But there was nothing in any of the literature they'd studied and studied that mentioned this.

 

Whether sympathetic to their frustration or in an attempt to avoid an incident the driver let them on anyway and they watched a video on the newly remodeled facilities.

 

Griffith Observatory may best be known as the site of the planetarium in the classic American film 'Rebel Without a Cause,' among countless other films, and now it was reopened with new features.  Among them were a brand new Leonard Nimoy Event Horizon Theatre in which Leonard Nimoy detailed the history of the observatory for visitors.  This delighted both and reminded them of the speech the Bostonian Star Trek star recorded to introduce every show at the Mugar Omni Theatre at the Museum of Science.  Leonard Nimoy and his wife also seemed to be members of duo incultus as his wife discussed using his namesake theatre for activities like 'holding hands' and 'necking.'

 

In fact the whole observatory reminded them of a very high-tech version of a very specific section of the MOS, 'Welcome to the Universe' and the 'Charles Hayden Planetarium.'

 

They watched a show at the 'Oschin Planetarium' and marveled at the incredible CGI and laughed internally at the overly enunciated narration that seemed designed for much younger children than the material would suggest.

 

Before leaving, Eric got a phone call from IO West that he'd been hired as an intern.  His habit, on Fridays, was to visit IO West for the open mic and a bit of improv-show-watching.  Though MB had arrived at 12:05pm the previous Friday, duo incultus had begun their reign of obnoxiousness by not going out.  This week Eric wanted to show MB a typical Friday.

 

He chose the wrong one of the two Fridays as a private holiday party for IO West was in the works.  Eric popped his head in to introduce himself anyway.

 

Instead of a typical Friday's activities, duo incultus played with hats in Iguana Vintage Clothing near Hollywood and Vine, grabbed a bit of dessert in Karma Cafe, perused the jazz vinyl records at Amoeba Music, went back to Borders, and walked around for one last shot of Coca-Cola.

 

At this point, half through genuine loopiness and half through a desire to take MB's mind off of the reality of only one more full day together, Eric descended into surreal jokes and outbursts of non sequiturs.  He was drunk off his own tired.  There would be no tears, only a desire to get Eric home where obnoxiousness was slightly more permitted.

 

Like the teased Butterfly Garden speech, Eric promised a trip to the beach.  Duo incultus had not kept track of the weather in Santa Monica but thought it might still be weather enough for a trip anyway, after all, New Englanders go on vacation to LA specifically because it is December.

 

It was weather enough for a fully dressed nap on a blanket a quick snap of a dust bin with the 'Doonesbury' character called Mr. Butts lamenting the lack of cigarettes on the sand.

 

Santa Monica Pier and Third Street Promenade were two great little walks for those with a disordered deficit in attention, especially for those who like skee-ball, roller coasters, and Ferris wheels.  It was the location used for the running section in the film 'Forrest Gump.'

 

In fact, Eric's whimsical nature seemed to rub off on MB as she imitated an helicopter flying low and near, 'B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b!' she muttered, half to herself.

 

After they'd had some fun they stopped in a Mexican chain restaurant and duo incultus sat quietly for a bit of food.  Eric felt a bit awkward, nearly spilling trays.  It was behaviour more characteristic of a first date than one this far along.

 

But upon exiting she pulled him in for a hug and for a shoulder to wet.  They saw some fireworks on the horizon and knew that time was short.  It would only be an episode of 'Star Trek,' some French toast, and a bus ride to LAX before--or so it seemed.

 

Duo incultus conversed on the bus and overshot their first of two stops.  They walked backwards eight blocks and just made their transfer to the aeroport.

 

In an attempt to lighten the good-bye Eric's last words as a member of duo incultus were an imitation of an MB-style helicopter 'B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b!'

 

Eric went back to IO West and saw that not much had changed since last Sunday's show.  There was the mad Irish woman, 'Question Man,' and the girl that 'introduced' Eric as 'a very funny comic' acted jolly pissed (I understand you Americans have a different definition for that word).

 

Eric's last act of incultusness was turning in his notes thirty hours late so that I too would be thirty hours late in sending this to you.

 

He has one last thing to say to you:

 

Thank you, I'm Eric Cheung.  I'm on MySpace and Live Journal.

 

Upcoming gigs

December 29th:  Friday.  Cal State Fullerton.  (MC)  $20.